You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
