I just cut my nipple shaving
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
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