My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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