Plan B is the new Plan A
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
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