genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
