I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Randomize
