Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
