matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
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