honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Randomize
