im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
