I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
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