i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Randomize
