so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
