is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Randomize
