She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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