Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
