why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
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