God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Randomize
