I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
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