Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
