I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
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