If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
