he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
