Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
