That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Randomize
