This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
