You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
