Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
