I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
My hand turned me down
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Randomize
