I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Randomize
