That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
