did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
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