i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
