so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Randomize
