Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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