my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
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