I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
