Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
