im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
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