Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I want to fling myself into the sun
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Randomize
