it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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