Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
