Ketchup is God's man juice
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
