There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
