Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Duck Duck Cougar?
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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