woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
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