I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Randomize
