how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Small penises have feelings too.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
