hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
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