This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Randomize
