if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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