I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
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