lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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